Yep, Phase Three. That’s what I’m in right now. It didn’t occur to me until I started trying to come up with a title and web address for my new blog.
Granted, I could have stayed with “Our Baby Chronicle,” the blog I kept all throughout my pregnancy. Because this still will be a chronicle… and it will naturally include a lot about my baby… but for some reason it didn’t feel right. Ever since I gave birth to Ryan (read all about that here, here and here), I have pondered whether I wanted to continue posting on that blog. I even started writing a couple of different posts. I had plans for a Halloween post and a post about all the “firsts” he was experiencing (first walk… first trip to Anzio’s for pizza…). But each entry fizzled out. For some reason, my heart just wasn’t in it.
That makes no sense because 1. I love to blog, 2. I am on leave, so I have some free time (at least in theory), and 3. I have a new baby that I adore and could talk incessantly about. So I couldn’t figure out why I was so reluctant to get back into it.
Today, it hit me. It’s not that I don’t want to blog… it’s that I don’t want to blog there. It feels like that blog belongs to someone else. The person I was before. Before I was a mom… before I felt this all-consuming love… before I had my own real family… before I had a true perspective on what is important in life (that you make your baby feel so safe and content that he gives you a great big smile) and what isn’t as important (if the laundry piles up, so be it).
So, I started trying to come up with a name for what I want to blog about now. I don’t want this to be a “Ryan went to the park today” kind of blog. Ok, I probably will talk about stuff like that. It’s only natural to brag about how awesome your kid slides down a slide, right? But I also want to talk about life. How Mike and I are adjusting to being parents, how we deal with being so far from our families as we form our own, how amazingly judgmental or supportive people can be when they learn you’re not breastfeeding.
So, I want it to be about the phase of life we’re in now. I think that phase is Phase Three.
Phase One was growing up in Ohio. Being a kid, a teenager, a young adult. Going to college. Being surrounded by my family, crunchy fall leaves, winters that wouldn’t end, cloudy days that I sometimes miss, little responsibility, a whole lot of gas station cappuccino, and probably a dose of immaturity.
Phase Two began on my 22nd birthday – the day I packed up my mom’s CR-V and headed toward the desert. The plan was to stay for 10 weeks. Instead, I got a job offer and made some great friends. I met my husband. We dated. We traveled to lots of fun places. We played kickball. We hung out with friends. I bought a condo. We got engaged. We fell more and more in love with Arizona with each passing moment. So we got married here. We traveled a bit more. We found new jobs that suited us better and made us happier. I got pregnant.
Phase Three began at 2:49 a.m. on September 21. I am a different person now. Not for better or worse, I think, just different. I worry about different things. I find joy in places I would have thought trivial before (um, rolling over is a big deal? Oh yes.. yes, it is).
So, there you have it. My classically long-winded explanation for how I came up with the title of this blog.
Well, plus, “Raising Ryan” was already taken.