Posted by on May 11, 2011 in college alma mater, college alumni, i am woman hear me roar, i have my own name thankyouverymuch | 6 comments

Dear College Alma Mater,

I think you’re pretty great. Really, I do. I spent four marvelous years on your breathtaking campus. I made lifelong friendships with fellow students and admired professors. I sing your praises to all who will listen.

I do not mind the thousands of dollars I’ve already paid for your tuition, nor the thousands of dollars I still have left to pay. You are worth it. You taught me all kinds of priceless skills that I use each and every day.

However. If you continue to address mail to me as “Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName,” my love is going to begin to dull. I am MyFirstName HisLastName. Actually, if you want to be technical about it, I’m MyFirstName MyLastName HisLastName.

I attended your classes for four years. I played in your marching band. I was the editor of your student newspaper. I deserve to be addressed by my own first name.

I like my husband a lot. Even more than chocolate on most days. But he did not drink 583 french vanilla cappuchinos from your vending machines. He did not sprawl out on a blanket on your lawns to study. That was me.

The one and only time Mr. HisFirstName HisLastName has set foot on your campus, circa 2006.

If you ever want me to donate money to you, I suggest you stop adorning those thoughtful address labels, letters and alumni magazines in his name. Because he plays along and thumbs through your mail, mumbling, “Guess I better read this, since it’s addressed to me…” And that makes me a little cranky. And it makes me a little cheap.

Change it. Now.

Sincerely,

Mrs. HisFirstName HisLastName