It has begun.
Most of the women I know (via real life and via blogging life*) who were pregnant when I was pregnant with Ryan are starting Round Two.
At first, the announcements trickled in slowly. Now, it’s a tidal wave of ultrasounds and birth announcements.
It was bound to happen. Many people aim for a 2-3 year age gap between children. At that point, the physically exhausting baby has turned into a mentally exhausting toddler and you’re realizing that the physical exhaustion wasn’t all that bad. (Or is that just me?)
A part of me feels a little twinge of jealousy with each new pregnancy announcement.
Ryan is almost 2-1/2 and there is nothing baby about him anymore. He talks in full sentences. He shows compassion and stubbornness (he’s still working on showing restraint). He makes his dinosaurs go to Time Out for biting each other. He knows how to make me laugh and he knows that if he tilts his head to the side and says “please?”, he’s more likely to get a cookie. He thinks he is all grown up.
So I get a little nostalgic over ultrasound pictures and baby bumps. When I look through newborn pictures, I imagine cuddling my own baby in my arms. When I pass the tiny onesies on my way to the toddler section, my heart skips a beat.
Maybe that’s just the mom in me. Maybe once you’ve held your baby in your arms, you always ache a bit to fill them up again. Maybe from now until the day I die, when I see a baby, my heart will melt a little. Because if I’m being totally honest with myself … I know I’m not quite ready. I know it’s not the time.
We’ve got this whole Moving Across the Country thing coming up rather quickly. My brain simply cannot handle one more Big Thing right now. I want to get to Pennsylvania, find a house, get settled. I want to work on my business. I want to focus. I want to have fun. I want to spend some time making that state feel like my home. I want this experience to be something we enjoy, not something we survive.
So I am choosing to have faith that more kids will come … when we’re ready. Perfect age gaps be damned. My arms aren’t going anywhere.
FOOTNOTE
*Yes, there is such a thing as Blogging Life. Whatever, I’m cool.
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25 Responses to Ruminating about Baby #2.
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I'm Meg. An Ohio girl who met a Pennsylvania gentleman in the Arizona desert. Married, toddler, cat, etc. Current adventure: Trading sun for snow, warmth for wind, an office job for a home office. Hello, East Coast.SPONSORS
With my sister and I being 8 years apart, and Aaron and his brother being 14 years apart…age gaps have always seemed normal to us. Our ideal age gap is about 5-6 years. I know this isn’t the “norm” but for us it’s perfect. It gives us time for Eliana to relish in being an only child, and a new baby alone time with mom and dad while big sister is off at school and doing big sister things.
I’m a firm believer in when it’s right, it will happen
P.S when Eliana saw the photo of Ryan on Facebook she said “Hi, play?” Too cute!
You know, I’ve thought a lot about age gaps, and I really think that our own experience as a child help develop our idea of what the perfect age gap looks like. Mike and I are both almost exactly 2-1/2 years apart from our siblings, so it’s always been in the back of my mind that 2-1/2 years feels “right.” And now all these pregnancies I’m seeing is exacerbating that feeling a bit. But Ryan is just about 2-1/2, so we’ve clearly missed the boat on it anyway, ha. I really just can’t quite “picture” us with another baby yet, so maybe when I can, I’ll know I’m getting closer to being ready.
Also? Eliana is just TOO cute! They’ll get to play next weekend!
We purposely had almost 4 1/2 years between our two, for the same reasons, Jenn. We planned on two children, so I wanted to cherish the anticipation of the second and also wanted the first to be established in school, with friends and a little bit of a life of his own. It worked out just right. He didn’t feel “pushed out” by his new baby, he loved time with her, loved time with his friends and school. And she got the quality time her brother enjoyed as an infant, as well as the benefit of learning from him.
I’m so glad you said that about their sweet sibling relationship. One thing I am concerned about with a larger age gap is that they won’t be as close as Mike and I are with our siblings. But I think a sibling relationship is strong no matter what, and you make an excellent point about him not feeling “pushed out” by the baby.
I’m with Jenn. We’ve always planned a 5 year age gap. My brother and I were 4.5 years apart, and my mum always told me that this seemed perfect to her. Gave her time to enjoy my brother as a baby, then a kid, and when I came along he was old enough to handle a little bit of independence.
I fantasize about having another baby soon…but then I think about how nice it was to absorb all of Ariadne’s cuteness with lots of quiet time; nursing snuggling, napping together… With a toddler and a newborn there is no way in hell that would happen. And that scares me. I want to be able to have devoted time to each kiddo, and I think age gaps work in my favour for that.
Yeah, I want to enjoy both children, not just feel like I’m trying to get through it and survive until they’re older. Then again, I see a lot of the positives to having children closer in age, too. Honestly, there were times when I thought I was ready to start working on #2 again, but with so much changing for us in the past 6 months, I’m so glad we waited now.
We planned to start around Emmett’s second birthday, and we figured it might take awhile because it did the first time around. However. We moved 500 miles, and the hubby started spending weeks on end in Canada, and then he got home and we got sloppy with the Fertility Awareness Method, and ooooooh crap, we find out we’re having a baby two weeks before E’s birthday and we live with hubby’s parents. Honestly, if I could have delayed it, I would have. Moving (twice in four months), hubby finding a new job (twice in four months, because that Canada thing was terrible), getting acclimated to the new surroundings, etc. all sucked with being pregnant. And with the mentally draining toddler (ha! such a perfect description). My grandma’s friends at her old folks home say, “New job, new house, new baby,” though, so I guess it’s time-honored tradition to mark those transitions with a child?
This is practically our exact situation. Going to live with my in-laws, hubby starting a new job, trying to find a house… adding a baby on top of it is just so MUCH at once. You obviously survived and Miss A is completely precious and worth it, but I imagine you were really stressed. I guess life is kind of that way sometimes… it ebbs and it flows!
Don’t pressure yourself. I was positive I wanted kids a year apart…nature had other plans. Then I thought we’d wait so the gap was 3 or so years…and again, fate laughed. So now I have boys. Plural. It is was it is. I think sometimes life works itself out. Of course, Zeke is not quite a week old so I can’t yet comment on the pros/cons of thier age gap with any authority.
You’re right. The amount of pressure I put on myself about these things is downright ridiculous at times. I would pay good money to anyone who could figure out how to make me more go-with-the-flow.
Also, I think it’s amazing that you’re even reading blogs – let alone commenting – with a one-week-old and a toddler at home. I hope everything is going well!
“my arms aren’t going anywhere” — that’s so true. We’re in the same place. I want another one, but are we ready? Is he ready? Financially, emotionally, physically? Do I want to go through it all again? Yes! and no! I don’t know. I see the same ultrasounds and feel the same twinges, but am comforted that it’s going to happen when it’s right.
Yeah, I do the “Yes! No!” thing constantly. One day I think I want one Right Now OMG Can’t Wait, and the next day I wonder what on Earth I was thinking.
You are right.on. All the bloggers and real-life mommys who had babies circe 2010 seem to be at it again! It makes my uterus hurt most of the time. We are just now contemplating #2. On some days I am full-steam ahead, and on others, I’m thinking “are we nuts?” Just today my coworker brought her 6 week old into school for a visit and I was like “Must.Have.Baby.NOW.” There is just nothing like a snuggly, sleepy newborn. But then they become toddlers…and I’d have two of them…am I up for that?
Those little newborns just suck you right in with their cuddliness! It’s hard to imagine they’ll turn into hitting/kicking toddlers. That must be why god made them that way.
In all sincerity, best of luck with #2!!
I know we frequent some of the same blogs so I feel your “pain” ie jealousy as well! I did a post on the 1000 reasons I don’t want another baby yet but reading those announcements is a killer!! We need to start a “not pregnant with #2″ club and stick together!
. Going for a 5 year gap here.
Yes! We need the support to stay strong!
Ps then there is that thought of “why get it over with so fast?”. When all these current babies are already in school and those women are missing the squishy babies, we’ve have ours! Stretch out the years of enjoyment all while not having to stress about having 2 toddlers at once.
That’s exactly it. I think if I had another baby right now, I would just be doing it to get pregnancy and everything “over with.” It just doesn’t feel like the right reason, so it must not be the right time for me.
I’m so there with you. I really see why my mother in law had her babies 5 years apart. She got to spend such great one-on-one time with each kid! We’re back on the TTC train, but at this rate the closest they’ll be is 4 years apart. Wasn’t my original plan, but like you said, “my arms aren’t going anywhere.” …love that, by the way!!
I am keeping all my fingers crossed for you, Kami. I can’t wait for your announcement.
By the way, the feeling, the craving never ever goes away. You do learn to deal with it. As in… I would love to be pregnant again and have a soft, cuddly sweet smelling baby BUT I don’t know that I’m ready for another pre-pubescent hyper hormonal I’m an adult even though I’m only 12 year old. You learn to let the blessings for what you do have just flow over you.
That, and fall in love with your grand-darlings!!!!
Awww, I totally understand. The age gap between children isn’t as important as making sure the whole experience is a positive one.
I really like your blog therefore I’m passing on a Liebster Award. You don’t have to participate, obviously, but if you do, please let me know!
You’re so right that making the experience a positive one has got to be the main goal!
Thank you for the award! You are so sweet!
To be quite honest I read the first line of your post and closed the window thinking, “I am not ready for another baby announcement.” We want another one and have been trying for six months, but nature says differently (even with the help of medication). So I have been stuggling with this and the constant announcements on blogs and facebook and the newborn photo shoots, they are killing me. When I actually read the post in its entirity I was comforted. I have all of these fears. Is it too early? Is it too late? We want a baby and he wants a sibling, but what if we can’t do it again?? It is such a painful subject for me lately. I really didn’t expect that.
I appreciate every single comment because it reaffirms that there is no perfect time to have the first one or the second one. or the fifth one! It will happen when its supposed to happen and it will be wonderful, again. Thank you, again, blogging life for making real life easier.
I’m glad you came back to read the post and that you found some comfort in it and in the comments. I also found a lot of wisdom in those comments, and I think that’s why I felt like I had to post on the topic. I needed a little bit of reassurance that no matter when we have our second kid, it will be great. And if that time isn’t RIGHT NOW, that’s ok.
I will keep my fingers crossed for you that it happens soon. *hugs*