When Ryan was a baby, I couldn’t wait for him to talk.
I wondered what his voice would sound like and how he would pronounce things.
I thought it would be so funny when we hit the phase of the incessant questions.
When they can’t talk, notions like that seem so quaint, don’t they?
You think you’ll be the first mom who won’t get annoyed with the bam-bam-bam-bam-bam rapid fire questions minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day after day. Cuz, aw, they’re just curious and we want to encourage that curiosity and someday they won’t care what the heck we think so let’s appreciate it now.
Well, we’ve arrived and it turns out I’m not one to traipse along the side of the high road on this one. Instead, I’m snapping things like “Good lord, no more questions!” and “BecauseBecauseBecauseBecause!”
We had our house ducts and vents cleaned out today. (Which, by the way? When you move into a new home, do this right away. You don’t want to live with the knowledge that you’ve been breathing in someone else’s dog’s hair for 10 months. You just don’t.)
Anyway, after the nice duct-cleaning gentlemen left, we jumped into the car to head to tumbling class as Ryan asked a question that I naturally couldn’t answer: “But … where are the cleaning guys going now?”
I could have been honest. I could have simply said, “I don’t know.” However, this not being my first rodeo, I know that “I don’t know” only prompts him to repeat the question over and over until we’re yelling at each other, “BUT WHERE ARE THEY GOING?” / “I. SAID. I. DON’T. KNOW.”
So, I made something up. I told him they were going home.
Ryan: Where do they live?
Me: Uh….. Allentown.
Ryan: But what street do they live on?
Me: Uh….. Allentown Street.
Ryan: Oh. Where is Allentown Street?
Me: In Allentown.
Ryan: Oh, right.
(There is a brief moment of silence; I begin celebrating internally that I have somehow managed to satisfy his curiosity on the topic of Where the Duct Guys Live.) But then…
Ryan: Wait, where is Allentown?
Me: Sigh. West of here.
Ryan: West of here??
Ryan: WEST of here?!
Me: Yes, west of here.
Ryan (pointing out the window): Wait, is THAT their house?!
Me: No, that can’t be their house. Because they live in Allentown.
Ryan: Ohhhhhh, right.
Finally, he was satisfied. That satisfaction freed him up to spend the remaining 7 minutes of the 10-minute ride asking me who was going to coach his tumbling class today and where was Coach Jen last week and why was she busy last week and where would the new coach lady be today if Coach Jen was back at his class and why why why why why?
On the plus side, at least I know that his voice is cute and he does pronounce certain words in a childishly endearing way. So there’s that.