Phase Three of Life

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The update I wish I didn’t have to write.

Posted by on Jun 26, 2017 in Uncategorized | 8 comments

There are moments in life that do more than test you. They strip you down to the core and make you examine exactly who you are, what you are made of, and — sometimes — what you can handle. Our newest foster son, 10-year-old James, was in our home for three months when we arrived at that moment. That moment often doesn’t happen over night. It’s a long and...

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A letter to my foster son on his 10th birthday.

Posted by on Jun 6, 2017 in Uncategorized | 8 comments

Mr. Sparkles, I know, you hate that nickname, but you earned it the day you came home from school with your head so covered in glitter you looked like a disco ball. You’re not quite sure what inspired you to dip both hands into a tub of glitter during a class art project, or furthermore what prompted you to rub said glitter all over your head, but I could...

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What the picture doesn’t show. {Today’s Parent}

Posted by on Jun 5, 2017 in Uncategorized |

You see the picture I post on Facebook of two boys walking down the street, hand-in-hand, and you leave a comment describing it as “joyful.” You are happy for us, you are happy for them—for that one boy in particular. You’re thinking: he’s lucky. He’s lucky to have landed with a real family. He’s lucky to have secured safety, love and opportunity, when so...

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Half a childhood.

Posted by on Apr 12, 2017 in Uncategorized | 9 comments

It occurred to me recently that I will only get half of his childhood. I guess I already knew that. I must have. The math here is pretty straightforward; our foster son, whom we expect to adopt, is 9 years old. That is quite clearly halfway to 18. I have a picture I took of him and our biological son, Ryan, the first night we met him a couple of months...

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Starting Over With a New Foster Child. {The New York Times}

Posted by on Mar 16, 2017 in Uncategorized | 7 comments

We stand in the bedroom together, side by side, clothes and toys piled up around us and empty boxes tossed into the hallway. “So, tell me,” I say. “What do you want to keep on the walls, and what should come down?” The colorful train decal on the wall of this bedroom looks babyish now compared to the basketball posters this 9-year-old boy brought with him...

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One year since you left.

Posted by on Mar 10, 2017 in Uncategorized | 9 comments

Dear BlueJay, One year ago today was the hardest day of my life. The weeks that followed that day — the day I buckled you into a car seat, stepped back and watched you drive away — were first the numbest and then the most painful I’ve ever felt. The truth is, even a year later, I still feel the empty space you once occupied. I carry it with me wherever I...

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