Phase Three of Life

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Half a childhood.

Posted by on Apr 12, 2017 in Uncategorized | 9 comments

It occurred to me recently that I will only get half of his childhood. I guess I already knew that. I must have. The math here is pretty straightforward; our foster son, whom we expect to adopt, is 9 years old. That is quite clearly halfway to 18. I have a picture I took of him and our biological son, Ryan, the first night we met him a couple of months...

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Starting Over With a New Foster Child. {The New York Times}

Posted by on Mar 16, 2017 in Uncategorized | 7 comments

We stand in the bedroom together, side by side, clothes and toys piled up around us and empty boxes tossed into the hallway. “So, tell me,” I say. “What do you want to keep on the walls, and what should come down?” The colorful train decal on the wall of this bedroom looks babyish now compared to the basketball posters this 9-year-old boy brought with him...

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One year since you left.

Posted by on Mar 10, 2017 in Uncategorized | 9 comments

Dear BlueJay, One year ago today was the hardest day of my life. The weeks that followed that day — the day I buckled you into a car seat, stepped back and watched you drive away — were first the numbest and then the most painful I’ve ever felt. The truth is, even a year later, I still feel the empty space you once occupied. I carry it with me wherever I...

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Becoming foster parents … again.

Posted by on Mar 1, 2017 in Uncategorized | 2 comments

  There is an eerie similarity to all of this. It is late winter, just like it was the first time around. It is cold and it is grey and I have spent the past 24 hours cleaning. I have cleaned the usual stuff. I’ve swept and I’ve vacuumed and I’ve wiped down the kitchen counters. But this occasion calls for more; it calls for tackling the stuff you...

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Round Two.

Posted by on Jan 23, 2017 in Uncategorized | 5 comments

The toys are put away, the TV has been dusted, the dining room rug has been vacuumed. There is nothing left to do but check Facebook, glance at the clock, check email, glance at the clock. As the days counted down to hours and now to minutes, two words are strobing in my brain like a sign on the Las Vegas strip. Round Two. Round Two. Round Two. I am...

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After Losing a Foster Child, Contemplating Another. {The New York Times}

Posted by on Jan 21, 2017 in Uncategorized | 3 comments

He’s sitting on a couch with his brothers, presumably in the home in which he’s now growing up. The photo has a graininess to it that is reminiscent of photos from the 1980s, but this picture is much more recent than that. It’s the first visual I’ve had of my former foster son since I hugged him goodbye. The boy we nicknamed “BlueJay” lived with us for...

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